What happens after you date before you’re ready (a follow-up post)

No circumstance, person, or relationship is the same. I don’t know how you came to find this post or what your situation is, but I hope this blog will bring you a bit of comfort in the days after a beautiful and tragic relationship has ended.

First off, don’t blame yourself. Hell, maybe it is all your fault that you lost your significant other, but just stop being hard on yourself. Nothing is one-sided. People make mistakes. Sometimes we act out of immaturity or insecurity but the important thing is that you can see your errors and know that you want to become a better person. Without that person around to love us, we have to make sure to maintain love for ourselves.

(Note: this is no longer about becoming better for your significant other or to fix your relationship. They’re gone now and you need to do this for yourself.)

Take time and grieve. Don’t let anyone tell you when or how to move on.

(Another note: if it’s been a month and you’re seriously unable to cope with life, there is no shame in getting help.)

Back to the beautiful tragedy of it all: it’s a curse and a blessing that you and I got to experience such great things worth missing. That’s why it’s so hard to cope with.

Remember that and be grateful.

You got to love someone and have them love you back. 

It hurts now. But one day, we’ll wake up and it won’t. That’s what I’m living for.

What happens when you date before you’re ready

Warning: it’s not pretty.

You think you’re ready, and that’s the whole problem.

When things don’t work out, you fall apart. Why? Because you based your self-worth on one relationship. You became too dependent too fast. All because you thought you were ready. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re 15 or 45, if you’re not emotionally ready for a real relationship, you aren’t ready. And instead of dating anyways, maybe you should focus on yourself or what could potentially make you ready to date?

If you date anyways, here are some things that could happen:

You overreact to everything. If they don’t do something the way you want, it’s like a personal attack. Do they not love you anymore?

You’re clingy. You feel like if you’re not getting the attention you want you’re not enough and you compromise/sacrifice parts of yourself to make that person want you more.

You’re immature. Because everything in your life is about them, you assume everything they do should be about and for you. If they don’t text back or make plans with you, the relationship suddenly feels like it’s slipping away and you have to do everything you can to get it back.

You’re mentally weak. Whether this person is wearing you down or you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position, by placing all your love and hope on one person, you can’t focus on yourself or see with clear eyes what’s going on. Logic slips by you. Things that should be small are huge and before you know it, you’re screaming at them and placing a strain on the relationship because something rubbed you wrong and you think he doesn’t love you anymore.

 You can’t have a healthy relationship.

You can’t love them the way they deserve. 

Perhaps the scariest: you don’t know it’s you.

A Path to Nowhere

There’s a path to nowhere. I see it approach but still I trek on.

Blindly, I move forward until disaster strikes.

A cliff.

Grappling for a ledge, I curse myself for my dependency. Hanging on with one hand, I curse myself for not being stronger. I hope that you’ll still come for me because it is only you who can. But you do not, you do not grab my other hand.

You let me fall, but only after leading me down the path to nowhere.

Why “stepping out of your comfort zone” is BS 

I’m on my way to Managerial Accounting but I’m tired of school getting in the way of things so I’m going to scribble this while I think of it.

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about advice that people give. Specifically, “step out of your comfort zone” or “growth happens when you’re uncomfortable.” Um, can people just F off with this for a second?

Sure, there’s a small realm of validity. If you never left your comfortable bed, nothing would ever happen to you except peeing your sheets and starving of hunger. But realistically, I think this saying creates a misconception that we always have to do more, be more, try more. If we’re unhappy or things aren’t going our way, it’s because we aren’t doing enough, it’s our fault.

So, like I said, F that mentality.

Stay with me here.

We don’t have to take some momentous crazy changes to our lives in order to develop as people. We don’t have to move to a new country to have an epiphany or get a divorce in order to become a new person. It can be really small things, like studying with a friend.

Additionally, I’d like to note that if you’re constantly trying new things to be adventurous or do what someone – society, college, friends –  expects of you, but you’re not happy, STOP RIGHT NOW. I read somewhere that nothing is worth losing your inner peace.

Six Simple Things Before Senior Year Starts

Today marks my first last day of school. I’ll admit I feel older and not all the wiser. Nerves eat me alive because what happens after this?

So, I’m going to slow down. Instead of focusing on what happens after, let’s talk about what to do before senior year to prepare for your last year of complete freedom in a college town where you can have the wonkiest hours and meet the most incredible people you’ll ever know.

  1. ACTIVATE YOUR HBO – did you know you get it free through XFINITY? ‘Cause ya can. Just use your school email to create an account and don’t waste three years of it like I did.
  2. If you moved, get settled in – having new surroundings is exciting but find a place for your belongings. A cleaner room is a cleaner mind and a cleaner mind can focus more on the positives.
  3. Make a date with your friends – if you drifted over the summer or were too busy working, make an effort to do something fun and new with them. Think weekend trips or wine nights. Which brings me too…
  4. Don’t make the bar your only friend – yes, you and all your friends are 21 now. And yes, that means lots of fun times. But going out on weeknights can really damper your mental and physical health. Why not watch Game of Thrones with your new HBO account instead?
  5. Freshen up your resume from your summer job – you need to be ready when those recruiters come calling! (Note: even if you have a full-time job lined up, why not keep it current? Senior year could be a great time to try a club you’d been wanting to do that didn’t make sense to spend time on previously)
  6. Savor every moment – it will be hard and stressful, but you will never get a chance to be this young again.

visit-campus

Top Places to Learn About UX:

UX Intern:

  • A podcast started in 2013, UX Intern offers valuable advice for people just starting out in UX. By inviting experts with various backgrounds, listeners can find out the paths that successful people have taken to get their great UX careers.
  • My favorite thing about this podcast is that it’s easy to listen to on the commute to work, or when I want to learn but don’t feel like reading (which is VERY rare).
  • My least favorite thing about this podcast is that it can be monotonous. The same general questions are asked, leading to similar themes throughout the podcasts. Certainly, there’s a lot to learn here. I’m just not sure this is the fastest way to learn it.
    • One of the common themes from the podcasts is that it’s a Catch-22: you don’t have experience in something so you need a job to gain that experience, but no one will give you a job without experience. (So then, what do you do? GO OUT AND TRY THINGS! Really, find some random thing online to prototype, sketch up a way you’d re-design a website that already exists. Use these things to make a portfolio. Learn whatever you can, all the time, find outlets for learning and figure out how to apply them to what you want to do. You don’t need to be hired to practice designing or do research into the field. So just try something, learn something, do something.)

UX Mastery

  • When I google things I want to learn more about, this site comes up often as a resource.
  • Go here to learn about boosting your UX career
  • And here to find out more about building your portfolio (a must-have in this field)

UX Magazine

  • Countless articles, trends, and invaluable information are here, along with engaging content that retains your interest over and over.

Career Foundry (LINK)

UIE

  • I realize I’m blessed to have unlimited access through work, but it may be a viable option to ask your boss about or invest in yourself. It’s chalk-full of webinars from experts across many parts of UX.
  • In case you’re interested, I looked into the price. It’s 29 dollars a month, or 9 dollars per seminar

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Books! Here’s a few that come with top recommendations and shinning reviews

Paired with my blog on the basics of UX, you’ll be set to learn it all.

Tips for a successful internship

Internship season is winding down as the summer winds down. If you’re like me, you’ve probably been spending your days waking up in the sixes and sevens in the morning, made some crappy drip coffee, and ran out the door. Or maybe you’re the type to wake up at 5 AM and run four miles. However your summer has been going, review these tips for this internship season. Make sure you’re on the right track and ready to finish strong, or bookmark this to come back to next summer!

Show up: HI! You’re scared of the unknown, of the corporate world, of whatever your personal fears are. But make sure you get there, on time, and keep on getting there. You won’t make it anywhere if you don’t make it out the door!

Show up with a smile to the meetings you don’t want to attend. Show up even though you’re intimidated and don’t think you have anything valuable to say. The more you show up = the more comfortable situations like that become = the more you feel able to voice your opinion.

Glow up: sure, you’re going to feel intimidated on your first day/week/month, but embrace it! You’re a beginner and that means there’s so much room to grow. By the time you’re a month in, people won’t even remember the awkward kid that strolled into the office with a sweaty forehead and shirt tucked in. You’ll be glowing with a positive radiance from all the knowledge you acquired.

(Note: while it’s great to feel comfortable and confident in your role, do not become that arrogant ass who thinks they’ve learned everything.)

Smarten up: Whether you did research before your first day or not, it’s not too late. After your first week you’ll know more where to target your research. You’ll know more about the company, their software, the things they deem most important. With that going for you, you can search for blogs (like this!) or sites to help you learn the tools and tips you need to be successful there.

Suck up (a little): do what anyone needs you to do. Remember that you’re lucky to be there and you can learn from doing anything. Even if it’s filing paperwork, maybe you can learn something about the way they organize their important artifacts, maybe you can find trends in the company that no one else noticed.

Last of all, congratulate yourself for entering the real world. Ya did it!