dad and daughter move-in day

How to adjust to living alone

So I moved. To an apartment. All by myself (queue that one song that goes “Alll byy myseeeelf” by Celine Dion). And it’s kinda awesome. But also lonely. But also super cool. And messy. And other things.

How I feel right now…

  • Crappy. So there’s a dark feeling in my gut that I haven’t felt since college day 1 when I was like: “Oh, huh, my parents are gone. I don’t know anyone. I didn’t think this all the way through.”
  • Lonely. (Bear in mind I’m being dramatic because I have some very near and dear friends within 30 minutes.) But I hear people laughing and hanging out by the pool and it hits me that I’m starting over again.
  • Empty. I went from a house with 12 guys/girls and this new place is dang quiet (which they promised me that when I toured but I kinda thought “ya ok sure of course it’s ‘quiet’ so was my college house made of paper walls”). Turns out they were telling the truth. Turns out I miss the noise. 

What I’m going to do about it…

  • Take time. I’m going to take some time to feel the feelings but not get stuck in them, I just need to acknowledge and most past them. Turns out that’s the healthy way of doing things. Who knew. 
  • Take life into my own hands. Easier said than done… But I’ve already got a plan cooking; it’s far away from the kitchen and into the pool area. I’m going to take some beer and a book down so that I can attract intelligent friends or – at the very least – ones who enjoy cheap beer. I’ll see where things go and be open-minded. If nothing else, maybe I’ll finally pick up on the vibes around here.
  • Take away bad habits. And replace them with some healthier ones. The ones I’ve been putting off until I “got a job” and then “graduated college” and then “moved to my own place.” I gotta stop waiting around for these magical moments that just aren’t evvvver going to happen. I’ve lived here a month and tell myself “once I get settled in”. NO LINDSEY, NOW. TBD how well this goes, but at least it’s a start.

Notice how this goes from recognizing emotions to taking actions to feel better. What can you do today to make for a happier tomorrow?

 

funny children drawing

How do you handle the past?

A few months back my parents sold my childhood home, and this past Christmas break is the longest stretch I’ve had to reflect and refocus for quite some time. It got me thinking about the moving process, of what we gather throughout our lives and what we leave behind:

  • People: whether we want it to or not, big moves can cut ties with those we’ve known all our lives. You know the ones: you aren’t best friends anymore but you like knowing they live a block away and that on Sundays you’ll sit behind the same family in church. These people are your constants. They make up your life and help build your world. Moving provides a chance to choose who you keep in your life on your journey. Moving provides a chance to look back and appreciate, or move on, from the company you once kept.
  • Toys/ideas: seeing the old dolls I took to the pool on sunny days with grandma, and holding old books with pages worn, almost brought me back to how I felt then. The innocence and curiosity in the games I played and stories I read. The ginormous bubble of excitement that only a child can feel by spending a perfect day with people they love. The whole world was massive and exciting and somehow very, very simple.
  • Then there are connections between toys, people, and ideas. Such as this sticky frog that lived on our ceiling ever since Kindergarten. Taking that little thing down last year brought a wave of emotions as things I hadn’t thought about in a while flooded back. Like the idea of innocent first love. Of countless Mario Kart 64 races and chucking cherries at each other in the backyard. Of simplicity and hope and all the things you carry around as a child before the world takes them from you.

All of these ideas stretched before me like a timeline of my life. These memories and objects are proof that I existed at all.

Even though life is more confusing now, there was a time when it all made sense. And I know that there will be glimpses of that childlike excitement again. Maybe not the excitement of my first crush, but the excitement of having money to take care of myself and the excitement of finding another soul that understands mine wholly.

Isn’t that thrilling and terrifying, but mostly thrilling?

My processing of the past makes me wonder about all of you: do you try to recall memories or ignore them? I find I don’t realize when the past is holding me back, and I’d like to stretch you to think about how you handle memories: suppression or expression or… any other way?