From being assigned This Is How You Lose Her and reading Uninvited on my own time, I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of love and loss – PSA, I’d recommend both of these books. This Is How You Lose Her has stories of love gone wrong, and Uninvited focuses on finding love for yourself in the midst of rejection.
Love and loss mean different things to different people. To a child it could mean a pet’s death, to an adult it could be the loss of a child or marriage or job. However, a lot of times, the type of loss that hurts the most is when someone you love leaves on their own accord. The rejection and hurt of knowing they’re out in the world but just didn’t want you is a lot to handle.
Worst of all is a loss of control and grappling for things that aren’t meant to be. It takes a lot of courage to face a new day and accept that you can’t change things. People sometimes hold onto the idea that if they do something differently or try harder, they can save a relationship or get a person back. But hey, maybe God wanted this for you, right? Maybe there’s a reason for how much your heart hurts now.
In This Is How You Lose Her, there are countless couples with doomed romances. Reading them, it’s easy to see that it’s not meant to be, but when you’re in something it’s hard to see the world outside. So what is love? What makes one person the right one? How much unpleasantness and distrust should you feel when starting to date, or when considering marriage? In this novel, a lot of people go gallivanting about unhappily, recounting the times they messed up in love.
We never see things clearly until we have time away, and even then sometimes not.
“Our relationship wasn’t the sun, the moon, and the stars, but it wasn’t bullshit either.” Relationships are so difficult and precious. They won’t be pretty all the time. They just won’t. So when is it time to stick it out or move on?
I don’t know. Like I said here, I’m not big on advice in general. People either won’t listen or they’ll push your advice to the back of their minds when they need it most. They will do what they want so I think the most valuable advice I could ever give is this: it’s your life, you deal with the consequences. So be dumb, make your mistakes, but don’t screw yourself over.
As Lysa TerKeurst said: “Bitterness, resentment, and anger have no place in a heart as beautiful as yours.”